Preparing for Marriage

This week of discussion focused on preparing for marriage. Due to slow, but recent change, marriage is started to become less likely to happen. Most people go with the easiest route of cohabitation. Today I would like to share some information about cohabitation, marriage, and preparing for marriage. This is a bit of a controversial topic so please respect the opinions of others here.

In the past many people prepared for marriage through the form of dating. In which a man would invite a lady to do an activity together and get to know each other. In this they see if they have a chance at being compatible with one another. Growing up the culture I lived in define dating in which one person exclusively goes with someone for a time and share feelings with one another, if that relationship doesn’t work they breakup and find another partner that they can exclusively be with. In class, we called this Serial Exclusive dating. Going to Idaho I experienced a completely new culture in which people do go on dates, but in a different manner. They do not go exclusively with one person at first, but rather they go on many dates with many people. Seeing this culture hit me for a culture shock, it is rather interesting that in fact neither is a wrong to go on about dating. They both in turn help to reach their purpose in finding your partner for life.  I would like to share a little bit about these two types of dating and the pros and con I feel come with them. With Associative dating we discussed that it was a way to be able to seek quickly the qualities that you want to have in your future spouse, it also is a good way of getting to know many people. Contrary to what I think, it is supposed to be a lot easier to be able to go normally on dates as well since it is not exclusive, but more to get to know the person. Some cons that I see in it, is the desperation those people have while doing this. Most people that I know who do this, right when they find that person that they want to be with they take drastic measures to get married quickly without actually knowing the person leading to problems later, like divorce. With Serial Exclusive dating I believe that it is a good way to know someone more than just the surface level, form this you can make judgement in the qualities that you want in your partner. You have more chance to see how they act in a normal basis than just on a single date for an hour. A con is that from what I see is that it leads to have higher chances of cohabitation. Studies have found that those that cohabitate are not as happy as those who marry and on top of that it leads to higher chances of divorce if they eventually marry later. Usually the cause of this is that, there is not a new kind of relationship when they marry, it becomes more of something they do to just do it. They have already found out the ins and outs of their partner so there is no sense of new experience or adventure with their partner. From my own observation I noticed that cohabitation leads to much pain to the family, not just the individuals themselves, but their parents, siblings, and other family members as well. If you truly want to have a happy lasting marriage, I believe that you need to make that effort to take the chance and get married instead of cohabitating first.

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Gender and family life

This week’s class discussion was quite interesting. We focused on genders and family life. As we know it the world is having an increasing population of men and woman stating their change in gender. As you know here I would like to share information gathered and read for class and my own opinion. This is quite a controversial topic so please have respect for all those you may comment and share their opinion. Now society has created different types of genders and there is much talk about it in the world, but I would like to talk about the original two. When I say, “the original two,” I am referring to male and female. From the beginning the World began with the inhabitants Adam and Eve and to this humanity has procreated and advanced to this day of age. In a video we watched, it stated that we as children unconscious separated ourselves as genders. As children, boys would be attracted to toys with cars and without any outward influence would play aggressively and imagine themselves with guns shooting one another. While on the other hand girls would be more attracted to toys that they can take care of and nurture. A lady in the video we watched, went on to say that she never liked makeup and would never use it. One day her daughter came to her and said that they needed to put make up on, because that will make us prettier. The video goes on to share that no matter what toy the boy gets, even though it may be a more feminine directed toy, would play with it in an aggressive way and use it as a gun or a weapon of some kind. The same is for the girls, if they play with some of the masculine directed toys, they will then continue playing with it as they would with the others. They will nurture it and doll it up. Now this is not saying that every boy will do this, and every girl will do this. There is always the exception with this. There will be boys that are more nurturing and there are girls that will be more aggressive. That is a part of life. Many take this inclination that they are different and that means that they must do different things, like having a liking to those of the same sex. There are so many things that could be said and discussed about same-sex attraction. I would just like to talk about a part that I recently learned. For class, we watched another video of people interviewed who had same-sex attraction. Many of them had horrible things done to them as a child. They were either sexually assaulted as a young child or were bullied and looked down upon. Many stated their confusion later on in life, they started feeling lonely and had an attraction to the same sex. They wanted to be a part of something, and they wanted to not feel lonely. These people indulged their selves in many acts to attain this sense of belonging, but to no avail. They were caught in depression, after much help they found themselves no longer having this attraction to the same sex and that they were not as depressed as they were before. After watching this made me think a lot about how many people in the world went through the same cycle or are stuck. I know others willingly choose to have an attraction to the same sex, but for those that had this cycle happen, I wonder if through help, these people can find a bit more fulfilling happiness.

Culture in family

Have you ever gone to a friend’s house and notice the strange things that they do? It may be strange to us, but honestly it is perfectly fine them, this is a way that we can define culture. According to Merriam-Webster dictionary the definition of culture is the customary beliefs, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group. Each family has his or her own culture, are all of them right or wrong? Do they all meet the same purpose with the same effectiveness? That is something I would like to share about today.

In some cases, cultures can be beneficial. Like in families that eat together, play together, and have certain rules in the house. These rules can create a lasting effect in the hearts of the children. If by chance we look in the future at what would happen to these children, we can see them more responsible. We can see them as leaders in this world, doing amazing things such as creating a lasting foundation or filling the foundation that their parents have put for them. These foundations can last for eternity and effect their family forever. With cases like these, family culture can be amazing.

Now let us look at the other side. Cultures at times can be detrimental. Power and the lack of power in an individual in their family can cause a never-ending cycle for their family. In the future they may probably try to take all the power in the family to probably try to “regain” lost power and authorize it in the family. Then, their children will be having a higher chance of doing the same thing. Another way that it can be bad is through abusive cultures, some of which are when the father or mother returns to the house from work and drinks alcohol. After the parent has intoxicated, they may start to abuse the family members. Cultures like these are not healthy and should change.

In my opinion I really believe that culture can be good, there are amazing people out there that have their own culture which makes them unique and outstanding people. They lead through good morals and care for their family. Although, I do not condone cultures in which family members are affected negatively.

I do not think that all cultures meet the same purpose with the same effectiveness. I feel that each holds their own effectiveness, like with every coach they may have the same purpose in their teachings it does not mean that they get the same results at the same time.

I would also like to talk about what we can do now to help the rising generation. Many of may see great things that our families do and the bad things, so how can we keep and change the culture that we lived in when we have our own family? Well, keeping the culture that you had before will be easier than changing. If we do not plan anything on how to raise the family, then assuredly enough you will find yourself having the same culture that you had before. Although if you want to change some things it will take a great deal of effort in your part as well as your spouse. You will both need to come together and plan in which you discuss how you both want to raise the family and in what kinds of way. I remembered a friend of mine discussing with his wife the things they wanted to do differently, they did not want to fight, they wanted it so that their children will be raised in a home without the parents having arguments and fighting each other. Since that day, they have kept that plan and many others that they have created for their plan. It has been around forty to fifty years and they have kept hold of that plan and they have had wonderful children who have gone and done amazing things in the world.

Family System Theories

With the many people around the world there is so many types of systems that people naturally categorize in. There is also so many factors that play into these systems as well. If you want to come and find out more about your own family system, here is a good place to find a start in your own research. To explain, what I am about to share, the paragraphs below are about theories. Meaning it is an attempt to explain a phenomenon, so we do not know necessarily that it will be true.

First let’s discuss System Theory. In this system not one person is insignificant in this family system. Each person contributes to the whole well-being of the family. This type of system may be found in families that might have abuse involve. For example, the woman may remain in the marriage only because of her and her child support and protect each other from the attacks of the abusive husband and father. Something that I thought about is that it might also explain why special families stick together when one of the family members is special in any sort of capability. This family works together and helps each other take care of this member of the family. I have never had the opportunity to experience this for myself, but I know it is an arduous task that takes a lot of effort and love.

Second is Exchange theory. In this system the usual discussion may be, “what’s in it for me?” People stay together only or the benefits if they do not then they leave. The individuals usually decipher out the pros and cons, the costs and rewards, of a situation. This is pretty natural reaction that most of us do on a daily basis. For example, in family life it would be decision-making, child rearing, and division of labor in the home. This may not explain too much about family systems, but it does explain a lot of the efforts that families make.

Third is Symbolic Interaction Theory. In this system what people deem to be true effect the whole and believe it is true when it may not be. This system can be highly dangerous in that it may affect relationships in a bad way. For example, take for instance, when a guy starts to believe his girlfriend is flirting with other guys, the man would start to be more overprotective causing an unstable relationship. A big emphasis that we talked about is how when a married may have some mistrust and confidence to the other partner, they may seek help from friends. If it is a friend of the opposite sex, the person may start to confide in that person more, thinking that he or she understands me more than my partner, leading to big problems like an affair. This theory can also be coincided with exchange theory.

Fourth is Conflict Theory. In this conflict system, it is revolved around power. Everyone holds a certain number of powers. Sometimes people abuse that power and it affects the way they are in the future. In some cases, if people felt like they had the lack of power as a child in their family, they tend to assert their power in their future families. Even though this system may have a bad sounding name and is viewed as a negative thing, it is not. Couples may come together to help each other. One may take the role of having the power while their partner learns and then the partner takes the dominant role.

These systems may not be necessarily the root for all family systems, but can be a way that we can further understand them.

This week's class we focus our discussion around family trends in the population. We watched, The New Economic Reality Demographic Winter, which provided a good deal of different information. To start out with, the video provided a gloomy feel to it with the way the researchers provided information and the subtle music in the background. What really surprised me was how in the beginning it talks about a book called, The Population Bomb, and how it affected the human society. It provides predictions that as the human population increases, the environment would be harmed causing mass starvation soon. This is interesting to me because more than fifty-two years after this was published the complete opposite happened. Why? What brought this to happen? The bringing forth of this book brought a huge impact to the people of those time. This impact was psychological, people thought that having many children would be more harmful than good. This led to a gradual decrease in the fertility rate according to these researchers. I have always been a firm believer that life finds a way. I know there are difficulties bound to happen, but there are happy days ahead of us as well. This includes with having more children as well; I know that nothing bad would happen by this increase. Now if the world continues to decrease in fertility rates, the population may degrade back to what it was before the so-called baby boom. Even now fertility rates are still low. Maybe this could be the cause of those who believe in the same ideology, whether it be intentionally after reading the book or just pure opinion. I believe that it should a natural flow of life and that things books likes these bring harm to the human society. Yes, it is important to be informed about the things going on in the world, but too much information can be detrimental. One of the effects can be seen through the fertility levels in states. Only two states had fertility levels above the replacement level in 2017. The replacement level is the number of births needed to maintain the population at its existing level.  If this ideology is not affecting the fertility rates, then what is causing this decline? In the video mentioned earlier, the professors discussed that some of the causes of the decline in fertility rates was due to the women’s revolution and the sexual revolution. Women were starting to go to school more and get jobs requiring them to be away from home which was the opposite than how it was before. The age in which women decide to get married effects the population growth in a big way because of this change the age of marriage grew while the fertility rate decreased. To me, I guess this was bound to happen and is a natural phenomenon of this change. In the Sexual Revolution, the birth control pill was created. Many were having sexual relations satisfy their intimate needs with a partner that they did not marry. They did not have children and continuing with life being single. When sex became separated from reproduction it affected the fertility rate. This change led to less marriages and more individuals living off on their own. The more individuals the world has the more there is a fertility decline. This fertility decline affects the economy. The reason that the economy is affected is because with more individuals staying off on their own it affects the overall Gross Domestic Product. The Gross Domestic Product is calculated through the product of the amount of people and productivity. Productivity here is human capital. There may be the only hope for helping the economy go stable, but it is a hard one. If there are broken families, we need to change it. Through better family structure it will bring an increase in human capital. Human capital is the skills, knowledge, and experience that someone has and is viewed as value or cost to a country. I believe we can change right now if we focus our attention to how we are teaching our children and what we are teaching them.