Transitions in Marriage

In this week’s focus of discussion was Transitions in Marriage. For those that do take this step they soon find it being more than what they asked for. There may be unspoken disagreements between spouses, there may be unexpected financial debt, and there may be an unexpected child that throws the entire system that the wedded couple had thoroughly planned out. These problems are a natural part that happens in marriage. Sadly, most of these problems also comes through miscommunication like when the mom focuses mainly on the child and when she talks with her spouse, she usually focuses on his faults. This does not mean that she does not like him, it is the opposite, she wants her spouse to learn and grow. Although the spouse takes it as harsh criticism, and he starts to space himself from the family. Another problem is also the involvement of the families. This can cause a big rift in the development of the boundary those people want to create when they get married. The average cost of marriage is around twenty thousand, making it hard for young couples to afford. Most do not even take the chance due to how much it costs. When those who do go for it, they usually ask for help from their parent to help pay for it financially. Now this is where the problems start to come in, say for instance, the wife’s parents pay for the marriage, they start to plan most if not the entire wedding. Now this newly wedded couple is indebted them for all that they have done. With most things that happen afterward the wife’s parents will always be included to participate in, if not the parents start to get defensive. They start to attack the couple why they are not included when they were the one that made it possible for the both to get married. At this point the husband’s parent are not included in most of the things that happen in this couple’s life and that also causes conflict between them as well. Now this may seem to many, what is the point of getting married when all it will bring is conflict. I do not believe that the only thing we will get form getting married is problems and pain. I believe that there is a happiness that we can obtain that we will never achieve with getting married. As we discussed there are ways to involve both families on the wedding and have it so the couple are the ones that are planning everything. This is by choosing the cheaper and more affordable route, you both come from families that have different skills that can provide to the whole, maybe the husband’s mom and cousins are amazing cooks. He can ask them if they could provide food for the wedding. Maybe the wife knows friends that are amazing that doing interior design they could help create a place look beautiful. The possibilities are endless and can help establish a sense of unity in the family while making boundaries. To resolve or take away assumptions both of the newly wedded couple need to make a plan together in what they want to do to raise the children, how they are both going to be involved in raising the children and if problems do arise how they are going to fix it.  Believe the number one fix to most relationships is open communication between the both sides. If there even a slight disturbance it can lead to a big problem later. Now that being said if you are going into marriage with a mindset that is fixed and set on the ways of the world, you can never achieve pure happiness that you will get when you have a growth mindset and plan together as a couple for your marriage.